We frequently defeat our best interests by going for short-term satisfaction even when we acknowledge that doing so will sabotage our gaining more worthwhile objectives in the long term.
We sabotage our interests through our insistence on being comfortable.
We are scientists. Our ideas are hypotheses about ourselves, others and the world and they need to be tested.
We have both strong tendencies to think rationally and irrationally.
Human psychological problems may loosely be divided into two categories:
(a) ego disturbance
(b) discomfort disturbance
Ego disturbance: The demands we make of ourselves and the consequent negative self-ratings we use when we fail to live up to our self-imposed demands.
Ego disturbances may also underpin the demands we make upon others. I may be angry at your because you seem to threaten my self-esteem. A healthy ego depends upon unconditional self-acceptance and denial to rate yourself.
Discomfort disturbance is related to human comfort. Dogmatic commands that comfort must exist. The healthy alternative is to develop high frustration tolerance as a way to overcome obstacles to long-term unhappiness. If unpleasant conditions are unavoidable it is better to put up with them and try to change them rather than get hot and bothered about them.
The Three major musts
People appear to believe several unrealistic ideas which are all absolutistic: Demands and needs instead of preferences and desires.
Three major dictates cause the most discomfort.
1. 'Because it would be highly desireable if I were outstandingly competent and/or loved, I absolutely should and must be; it is awful when I'm not and I am therefore a worthless individual.
2. Because it is highly desirable that others treat me fairly, they absolutely should or must and they are rotten people who deserve to be utterly damned when they do not.
3. Because it is preferable that I experience pleasure rather than pain, the world absolutely should arrange this and life is horrible, and I can't bear it when the world doesn't.
If one is an empiricists and invents no absolute necessities or imperatives it is almost impossible to become emotionally disturbed. You may feel sad or annoyed, happy and ecstaic.
Matrix
Must Ego Discomfort
I must A B
You must C D
Life must E F
A -Ego disturbance -demands about self
Demands upon self and self-damnation because of them
I must do well; I must be loved.
B. Discomfort Disturbance -Demands about self
Demands to get rid of discomfort. "I must obtain my degree otherwise I end up at McDonald's."
C. Ego disturbances - demands about others
Threat to self-esteem
D. Discomfort disturbance - demands about others.
"You must do something for me cause couldn't stand the hard life I would otherwise be facing."
E. Ego disturbance - demands about life conditions
"My life must be easy for me otherwise I'm worthless.
F. Discomfort disturbance - demands about life conditions
"My car must not break down. I must be served quickly."
When I think about something I also tend to have an emotional reaction and have a tendency to act.
Three important REBT-insights
Insight no. 1.
Our behaviour is connected to causes. However the causes did not by themselves cause the behaviour but people's beliefs about the causes. External events contribute but they do not cause the reactionss.
Insight no 2.
People are reinfocing self-defeating ideas by present actions and ideas.
Insight no 3. There is nothing but hard work to be done to uproot the irrational beliefs.
The ABC model
A. -Obnoxious event happens.
C. - You are upset because of the event
B. You could say: "Bummer. I wish it wouldn't have happened but it did and I just have to deal with it." Or you could say: "I can't stand this! This shouldn't be! I'm worthless because I didn't stop it."
Rate your deeds and performances but not yourself.
Do not take yourself or others too seriously.
Target problem
Assess C
Assess A
What is B? Demandingness, awfulising, low frustration tolerance, statements of damnation
Connect B and C.
Dispute irrational beliefs: 1) Musts - there is no evidence in support for absolute demands
2) Awfulising - nothing is 100 percent bad
3) Low Frustration Tolerance You can stand what you think you can't stand
4) Damnation or global negative ratings
Rational Emotive Imagery:
Vividly imagine the situation in which you experience negative feelings.
Keenly feel the feelings.
Change the feeling from anger f.ex to annoyance: lesser more constructive feelings.
A foolish act does not make you a foolish person only a person who behaves foolishly.
