Help yourself to happiness

People tend to escalate their wants, desires, preferences and wishes into absolute should's, ought's, must's, necessesities, have to's.

People have trouble with objective reality. They try to ignore it or deny and that causes irrational thinking as well.

You control your feelings

What would a camera show really happened?

You see something - you evaluate it as good or bad - the brain creates the feeling

A- perception B-evaluating thought C-feeling

It's not the facts and events that upset man but the view he takes of them.

You alone create sadness or gladness

When you habitually think the same thoughts about the same things it converts the feelings into personality traits

Having the same feeling over and over again in response to the same thoughts is a rapid way to form strong beliefs. 

New learning is in four stages: First your neocortex gives you intellectual insight into the action to be learned and a mental map of it. Second your neocortex directs you in the correct practice. Thirdly while your practicing the neocortex causes your limbic system to give you the right emotional feeling. Fourth with emotional insight and practice your turn it into a personality trait.

A. Actual practice

B. Emotive imagery

Emotional re-education: 

Cognitive dissonance: Doing right but feeling wrong.

Then you need emotive imagery to make you feel right when you are doing right.

Rational self-analysis

A. Fact and events

B. Self-talk

C. Emotional consequence of B.

Da. Camera check of A. What really happened?

Db. Rational debate of B. "Is that statement based on facts? Will this help me achieve my goals?"

E. Emotional goal for future A's.

Use "I think" instead of "I feel".

Rational emotive imagery is practicing the thing you want to learn.

Relax.

Picture the A situation. See a movie without you in it. See yourself thinking or saying only the rational sentences.

There are two basic desires. Desire to get something and desire to avoid something.

A.    If I see a pretty girl I want to approach her but i stop myself doing it. Sometimes I notice a girl looking at me. I start talking loudly to my friends.

B.     “Should I go and see if she’s interested in talking to me?”, “No, it will be discomforting” (anxiety rises) and she could reject me or even worse, accept me and then I would be stuck with her. My friends would laugh at me. I don’t know what to say anyway and she would find me boring. I would be a loser if she rejected me.

C.     Intense discomfort which lessens when I decide not to do it.

 

Camera check for A. Correct.

Dispute B. It can be discomforting to go and talk to a girl but the rewards can be great. You also have the goal of being able to talk to girls so this is a step in the right direction. Even if she doesn’t want to talk to me. If she rejects me I don’t have to reject myself. I can just shrug and say OK. My friends would rather respect me than laugh at me. You just say hello and see how it goes from there. You can allow yourself to be silent. You’re not boring you know that. If you succeed you can always get rid of her. That’s the way it is. Make a new plan stan. How would I be a loser? There was no win/lose in this. I desired a conversation and maybe something more. She didn’t. End of story. No losers. If a girl came up to me and I was going to meet a friend or something and brushed her off would I think: “God, what a loser, she is?”. No, I would maybe think I didn’t like the look of her but a loser? No way. Girls aren't dangerous like cats aren't dangerous. I always try to "meet" cats. 

D.    Emotional goal: to be able to talk to strange girls without discomfort. To be able to initate contact without discomfort.

 

1. I decide to smoke many, many times a day.. –Camera check: Right
2. I feel discomfort. I will therefore smoke. I’m waiting, I’m bored, I’m walking I decide to smoke. Smoking lessens my discomfort.
3. Intense discomfort whcih lessens while I do it.

B-dispute: My discomfort does not lessen while I smoke. It increases. It keeps the addiction going. My habit.